I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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