This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize