i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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