as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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