giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
