just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
a search helicopter?!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
