my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
