Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize