so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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