he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
