there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
