it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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