After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
