she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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