I need help removing her.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
