somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
