Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
