Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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