I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
