Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
