I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
