Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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