yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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