that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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