that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I smell like Dick and happiness
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
