What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
