It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
