i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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