hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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