If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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