i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've blown a few things in my day
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
