Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize