I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
