seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
