Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
