from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
