fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
