Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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