I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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