i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
