I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
