I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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