I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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