you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
