everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
