Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
