New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
