OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
