do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
