you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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