How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think people are normalizing furries
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
