I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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