Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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