I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
