We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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