why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
