Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
