what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
