so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
