Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
