life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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