the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize