It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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