Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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