My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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