So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
