Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
